Stress

I remember the stress free time in my life. I remember when my shoulders didn't hurt from bearing the weight of the world on them. I remember being in a place where I didn't let it all bother me so much and made a conscious decision to be happy. Yes there was stress but I wasn't going to let it rule my life.

Today the world feels heavy. There's laundry to do, trash to take out, dishes to get washed, dusting vacuuming, errand running, car washing, apartment hunting and trying to find some quality weekend time with Gman.

With working 55 hours per week, there's not much time left over for myself. Lately I find myself feeling lonely and wanting companionship. Self-respect isn't enough for me to want to keep my apartment looking nice.

I'm feeling holed up and cramped in here. I feel like I need a place to spread out and be me. My apartment is beginning to feel like a prison.

This time of the year it always feels like this. It's depressing, it's not really nice enough to spend a lot of time outside and I have a serious case of the lonelies and cabin fever. I want to get out and go camping, take walks, ride my bike and spend time with friends in our back yards. I WANT a back yard.

One of the apartments I am going to look at today appears to have a huge back yard. That is exciting to me. I can't wait to get out of this dark, dank hole of an apartment with no space to put ANYTHING! There's overflow all over the place. I know I shouldn't complain because there are people out there with less. But I feel like a snake ready to break from the old skin and stretch in to the new.

Last weekend I spent some time with family and it was good to get out of town. It was even better to be able to do it in my own car. There's a sense of freedom in not having to rent a car and realize I can go anywhere I want to on my own 4 wheels that actually shift out of 1st gear and don't overheat after 2 miles.

Really, overall, life is good. In the past two weeks I've gotten better transportation and forgiven a 9 year wrong.

Forgiveness....what a divine thing. To withhold forgiveness from someone who has done you wrong is to use precious energy that could be going to so many good things.
It felt good to put this behind us. I hope this can be the beginning of the rest of the healing process for us all.

So there are many, many good things in my life. I need to focus on them and pray that the things I'm unsettled with will work themselves out soon. I'm ready for the good for awhile.