Stress

I remember the stress free time in my life. I remember when my shoulders didn't hurt from bearing the weight of the world on them. I remember being in a place where I didn't let it all bother me so much and made a conscious decision to be happy. Yes there was stress but I wasn't going to let it rule my life.

Today the world feels heavy. There's laundry to do, trash to take out, dishes to get washed, dusting vacuuming, errand running, car washing, apartment hunting and trying to find some quality weekend time with Gman.

With working 55 hours per week, there's not much time left over for myself. Lately I find myself feeling lonely and wanting companionship. Self-respect isn't enough for me to want to keep my apartment looking nice.

I'm feeling holed up and cramped in here. I feel like I need a place to spread out and be me. My apartment is beginning to feel like a prison.

This time of the year it always feels like this. It's depressing, it's not really nice enough to spend a lot of time outside and I have a serious case of the lonelies and cabin fever. I want to get out and go camping, take walks, ride my bike and spend time with friends in our back yards. I WANT a back yard.

One of the apartments I am going to look at today appears to have a huge back yard. That is exciting to me. I can't wait to get out of this dark, dank hole of an apartment with no space to put ANYTHING! There's overflow all over the place. I know I shouldn't complain because there are people out there with less. But I feel like a snake ready to break from the old skin and stretch in to the new.

Last weekend I spent some time with family and it was good to get out of town. It was even better to be able to do it in my own car. There's a sense of freedom in not having to rent a car and realize I can go anywhere I want to on my own 4 wheels that actually shift out of 1st gear and don't overheat after 2 miles.

Really, overall, life is good. In the past two weeks I've gotten better transportation and forgiven a 9 year wrong.

Forgiveness....what a divine thing. To withhold forgiveness from someone who has done you wrong is to use precious energy that could be going to so many good things.
It felt good to put this behind us. I hope this can be the beginning of the rest of the healing process for us all.

So there are many, many good things in my life. I need to focus on them and pray that the things I'm unsettled with will work themselves out soon. I'm ready for the good for awhile.

Laundry Room Guy cont.

I'm so terrible about blogging lately. Please forgive me for falling off the blog wagon for so long. Eventually I will get back to it or make time for it again. Working hard and playing hard doesn't leave much time for me to blog.

If you need to know more about the laundry room guy, read the blog right before this one and you will get the full story.

I contemplated for nearly a week before deciding what to do with the note the laundry room guy left me. I liked his look, from the back at least. He's a big guy....bonus because then maybe I can feel a little petite...a rare feeling for me.

I deliberated with several friends over what to do about the note. Should I call or shouldn't I? Having been divorced and in a few failed relationships since the divorce I'm admittedly gun shy when it comes to dating and the possibility of a relationship.
I finally decided that I had nothing to lose and that I would call him.

I took a deep breath and dialed *67 to block my number; along with his phone number. I've had a stalker before and I don't want one again so I take precautions to prevent that from happening.

Thankfully his voice mail came on because his phone message sounded just as garbled as when he was talking to me in the laundry room. At that point I decided that my hearing is just fine and that he talks like he has a mouth full of garbage all the time.

I don't mean to sound judgemental but I really need someone who is intellectually stimulating and he didn't sound like the intellectually stimulating type. I decided not to leave a message and to keep the note on my desk to remind me during the dry spell that I'm still attractive to at least some people.

My whole school of thought on this is that if it's meant to be, we will run in to each other again. If it's not meant to be then we won't. I'm putting it all in the hands of the powers that be to decide my fate.

Until then, I'm still status quo at between relationships.