Dipping My Toes In

Having been out of the dating world for such a long time, I find that dipping my toes back in the dating pool and getting serious about perhaps finding a new relationship after so many years has proven to be an interesting experience.

After the end of my latest relationship, which was nearly 4 years ago, I made the decision to do lots and lots of work on myself. I discovered that the only commonality between all of my breakups was me. I needed to figure out why I chose the men I did for myself.

At first I wanted to get right back on the dating wagon, mostly so I could have some affirmations that I was still attractive and loveable. However, at some point I realized that the only way I would be attractive and loveable was to find a way to find myself attractive and loveable. That step in my life has been the most important and biggest turning point since becoming an adult.

Once the commitment was made that self-discovery was not only wanted but imperative for my happiness, the steps to improving the life journey for myself became a winding, fascinating path of so many different branches of what humanity means.

At some point in this journey I became disinterested in dating or any kind of romantic or sexual contact with men outside of platonic friendship. I paid attention to friends in happy marriages and noted some of the similarities they had, the traits their husbands possessed, and the things I found I might want for myself when I decided I was ready to start dating again.

Here I am, just about 4 years later and I find myself longing for companionship now. The nice thing is that since I am confident in myself and tell myself that I deserve nothing less than what I want, it's so much more difficult to settle for the bullshit that so many men deal to women. It's funny, because all too late the man will realize what he's lost and come groveling. What an enlightening experience to look at a man you once really cared about and wonder why you settled. I'm sure men do the same.

In the past year of dating experiences I've met several men. Some were good men, some were turds, some were clueless, some were over-aware. However, none of them were right for me.

I've pretty much given up on the process of online dating simply because it's a process that I have begun to despise. I've found that it's really difficult to maintain any kind of healthy boundaries, open up to each other far too fast and create a false sense of intimacy. In online dating I also believe there is the "Kid in the Candy Store" syndrome. People are judged solely on their picture about 90% of the time. I'm just as guilty of that as any man is of this phenomenon.

Lately I've gone back to the "traditional" way of meeting people. Out on walks, or bike rides, or the grocery store, or through friends of my son. My dating life has slowed way down from what it would be if I were online. However, I find it's so much more satisfying to have a real-life conversation where you don't lose so much in the translation of the written word.

Recently a dear friend of mine broke off a 5 year relationship and she decided she wanted to start up a group of people who could just hang out and do fun things together without the stigma of it being a "singles" group yet you don't have to go it alone out there. Several of us have known each other for many years, but several new people joined the group and it has been such a great experience. The women are outstanding women and the men from what I've seen are all pretty good eggs.

Anyway, I really look forward to getting to know the new people even better. It has been an enlightening experience finally getting to know some guys I would probably never talk to otherwise for various reasons, mostly my own insecurities.

We all get together every few weeks for board games and what a great way it is to get to know other people.